He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
