ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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