i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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