I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
