my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I'm really busy with my period
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