Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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