We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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