You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
