as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
