i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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