brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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