Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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