distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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