I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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