I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
