so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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