I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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