well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
