He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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