I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
