sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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