:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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