this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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