One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
