This is not my ceiling
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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