If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
