you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
My vagina is very pro this idea
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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