im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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