thus making me awesome and them whores
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
