so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize