Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
