He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
