I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
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