We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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