My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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