one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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