I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We just shotgunned beers for America
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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