let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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