This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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