break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
