I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Soap is not a condiment
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i came on her dog
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
