This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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