Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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