I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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