Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize