so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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