Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
