I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize