WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
