bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
