I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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