I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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