So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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