Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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