He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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