I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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