hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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