you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
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