he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
