we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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