Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
