i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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