Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
