I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
