did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
