I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Drake has all the answers
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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