What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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