what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
