You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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