I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
