If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
