my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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