Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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