she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize