I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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