So drunk its hurt
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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