Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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