so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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