Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
