She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
