if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
