i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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