summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
