there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
