Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
