We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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