I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Randomize