why didn't you poke me back
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I could make wine with my vomit
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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