i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
