hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
we're making bets on your personal life
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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