I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
