Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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