I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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