ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
do nipples grow back?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
