i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
