Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
