i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
