i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
