The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
